Neil Hopcroft

A digital misfit

The silence in the silence I see you my confidence

Theres something about this kind of social media that feels like obligation – I must write, publish to my audience, entertain you, bewilder, amaze, amuse.

Now, though, I’m looking at the last few years and seeing that maybe my audience here is me, and finding the time to write is not the act of a self-publicist, rather the notes become messages to my future self, a bunch of memories fixed in time, in a way that memories of holidays decay to only be of those things photographed or otherwise memento-ised. The distinction between the experiencing self and the remembering self. The patches in between, the feelings, the smells, the landscapes that just don’t fit in the lens, get lost with the minutia.

Facebook, fun though it is, doesn’t give me the depth of record I’m seeking, its like a conversation down the pub, forgotten by the morning, without leaving any kind of lasting impression. Even with Livejournal I’m handing over the responsibility for the data to another entity, although they seem to have a better idea about continuity.

Historically I’ve not been good at continuing these revivals, maybe thats because I’ve been thinking about the wrong audience, or maybe I’m just a bit useless. Its worth another try.


5 comments

  1. I do think of LJ as being written primarily for me. If anyone else happens to read/comment/enjoy that that’s nice, but mostly it’s because I like having a reference to what I was doing or thinking.

    Mind you, at the same time if I post on LJ that I’m going to do something, I do tend to think of it as a public declaration that I must then follow-through on, so I do like the perceived accountability of having an audience. Plus the knowledge that what I’m writing might be read by others means I put more effort into “writing” rather than just jotting notes.

    So, er, yes, hello, how are you? I am still capably of believing two fairly mutually exclusive things at the same time :)

    • Maybe it fulfils twin purposes here, and different people use it in different ways over time, maybe even from post to post. There was a time when the community lived here, they’ve now largely moved on to facebook or twitter, but neither suit me or the kind of communicating I want to do very well. So we remain here, stragglers, talking to ourselves while everyone else is trying to compress their lives into 140 characters or less.

      Oh, and I owe you an email.

      • Oh, and I owe you an email.

        Given the shocking time it took me to reply to your last mail, I won’t be sending the communication bailiffs round just yet :)

  2. Maybe we don’t spend a lot of time reviewing memories, but knowing they are there is important. I find that every time I move I discover some box of memories, precious and happy, some jarring, reminding me of being a person I am no longer.

    This journal has followed me through some significant changes in my life, and my character to go with those changes. Also it has missed some significant changes because of their personal nature, not things I wish to broadcast to the world.

  3. Agree, although for me it doesn’t quite do the same job since there are things I feel uncomfortable about sharing here, which would not be the case for a diary.

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