Neil Hopcroft

10:48pm: “If you are confident, friendly and polite you will be able to charm anyone, even the girl next to you”

“Hello. You are through to NTL customer services. We don’t give a f**k about you. We are never here. We just will f**k you about, basically, and we are not going to handle any of your complaints. Just f**k off and leave us alone. Get a life.”

……. …c… /…… If I were a NetHack monster, I would be a cockatrice. People tend to go out of their way to avoid me; those that don’t have to treat me very carefully indeed. http://kevan.org/nethack

While clearing out my car I’ve just discovered a chip labelled ‘cpz.bas, pxd.bas, 19/1/94’. Wonder what it contains…? And, indeed, what I need to plug it in to to make it work.

Enough of the silly links, you’re all waiting for some real content, aren’t you? Starting a new job is always a tense time, did I do the right thing? Am I going to be able to do the job? Will I get on with the people? The new office is somewhat different to most of […]

They is responsible for cruise lights “‘They’ accomplish such great things. Somebody had to take responsibility,” They said.

‘remote interaction technology’ “As for me, well, I’m enjoying the novelty of it. I’m on the road as I write this week’s column, and I can honestly say that the Sinulator(not worksafe) beats the pocket rocket hands down, even if I am getting strange looks from the other Starbucks patrons.”

More from stupid security… “It’s very disconcerting to see you going through my belongings as if they might explode. I’ve had them on my person all week, you see.” and Get back pussy cat Cat Stevens “…was interviewed and denied admission to the United States on national security grounds”

Someone remind me why I left Tokyo… (yes, I know she’s actually Californian, and, no, I don’t know the young lady in question. Wish I did…)

breastless women in the hope of of aurally-driven überjubblies (worksafe) “I listened to the tune for a week expecting all the time that I was being duped. But, incredibly, my 87-centimeter bust grew to 89 centimeters! It was awesome!”