Neil Hopcroft

A digital misfit

Currently less than a human wreck

http://neilh.livejournal.com/261142.html – a very good meeting
http://neilh.livejournal.com/284382.html – quiet
http://neilh.livejournal.com/287118.html – time to move on
http://neilh.livejournal.com/292917.html – what happened to the future?
http://neilh.livejournal.com/299530.html – headache

http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/en.aspx?articleId=127&sectionId=6432

So, looks like all the pieces are fitting together. At least I know whats happening. The first thing to do when trying to get out of these kinds of situations is to recognise you’re in them.

Given that, I’ve taken the precaution of resigning, on the basis that the uselessness pretty much corresponded with starting this job, and abated somewhat while I was away from it last week. Theres no immediate plan for what happens next. But thats not worrying me too much at the moment, finding a future I’m able to look forward to is more important at the moment, if that means taking a break thats what I’ll do.

Sorry I’ve been a bit of a useless friend over the last few months, if it happens again remind me of this before it gets so bad.


Categories: Memories.

/ 16 Comments

16 comments

  1. cally_tmk

    Ever thought about doing some volunteering (preferably something totally different to your normal field of work)? A good way to get a new perspective on things, and can be surprisingly satisfying.

    Reply
    • neilh

      It is certainly something I’ve considered, but I fear one of the problems I have at the moment relates to time management, so commiting to doing more things is going to make things worse rather than better. The other problem is what to volunteer for…I’m not sure I’m any good for anything apart from messing about with computers.

      Reply
      • cally_tmk

        Well, I never imagined I’d end up doing bingo calling at a drop-in centre, but it’s actually quite good fun (and I think has played a major part in building up my self-confidence over the last few years. Prior to that, the thought of standing up and talking to a room of 20-30 people would have seemed pretty scary.) Anyway, there are plenty of options (eg http://www.do-it.org.uk). If you want to avoid any long-term commitments, how about a working holiday with the National Trust? (Personally, I quite fancy having a shot a dry stone walling, but haven’t got round to it yet!)

        Reply
  2. purple_peril

    Sounds like a change might be just the ticket.
    If you want to chat to an on-and-off depressive, give me a shout (I’m sure that will brighten your day, LOL!)
    *hugs*

    Reply
      • purple_peril

        Hi again. Sorry for the delay – I’ve been having some problems myself over the last couple of weeks and to be honest I had forgotten to get back to you.

        I will preface all this by saying that everyone is different so what applies to me may not apply to you.

        So, err, experiences – if you want I can give you specifics but basically my depression tends to be reactive to emotionally stressful situations. I have had depressive episodes when I did not cope at university, when relationships have ended and when I was very unhappy at work. My depression manifests as (in roughly increasing order of seriousness:
        Loss of interest in doing anything
        Wanting to hide under the duvet all day
        Feeling hopeless and helpless to change anything
        Crying a lot
        Prefering to be asleep than awake, because being awake is too painful
        Going over and over stuff in my head
        Not being able to sleep
        Feeling like I’m falling or being sucked into a dark tunnel
        Inability to cope with large groups of people.
        Not eating or drinking
        Attempted suicide

        Recovery strategies – well to be honest these days I would go straight back on the drugs. My depression is too scary and dangerous to muck about with. But things that help to an extent are:

        Talking about it (a lot). I found counselling (via my GP) very helpful. I also talk to friends a lot but I tend to feel like I am burdening them. Also some friends don’t understand depression and they will say useless and even damaging things like ‘pull yourself together’, ‘snap out of it’ and ‘there’s plenty of people worse off than you, you know’. All of these things just make you feel guilty and even more of a bad, worthless person.

        Doing things that hold your attention and stop the thoughts going round, even if for a short time, such as going to the cinema or watching DVDs (I used to watch Shrek and the LOTR films over and over and over).

        Getting away, right away, as in foreign holidays. Failing that, I find that being on or near water is helpful to me, so just going on a boat for a couple of hours or sitting by the sea makes me calmer. Holidays that mean you are on the go, seeing stuff, like guided tours are good.

        Ultimately I’m afraid the best cure is time. It took three years for me to recover from the most serious attack. In the beginning I used to promise myself that I would be ok for the next ten minutes, and then the next ten, and so on. Splitting the day up into manageable chunks like that can help.

        Personally I found antidepressants very helpful indeed, but it took me a while to find the right one for me. If you are interested in taking these drugs, I can tell you about my experiences if you like. They all have some side-effects, but for me that was nothing compared to the horror of depression.

        I hope that helps and that it doesn’t get as bad for you as I know it can. You can always email me. Take care.

        Reply
  3. ex_lark_asc

    Oh, yuck, welcome to the club nobody wants to be a member of. I’m off work at the moment too, having resigned in a rather more dramatic fashion for similar reasons; let me know if you feel like coffee and solidarity.

    Reply
  5. neilh

    Its not just silence….theres been quite a lot of grumpiness and general apathy…even worse than normal. Still, with a little luck thats on its way out.

    Reply

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