Neil Hopcroft

A digital misfit

A cathedral for the slaves

For lunch today I went to the Tescos Ultra at Bar Hill. Where I discovered most of the population of Cambridge and sandwiches in singing christmas packaging.

To start with the car park is full of people trying to park as close to the store doors as is possible, so nearly half the carpark is empty while people argue over spaces in the other half….I pulled into one row toward the emptiness where I discovered someone sitting, looking like they were waiting for someone to leave a space, so I waited for a little while thinking they might get out the way soon, then went to go past them to the easy spaces further along the row. They defensively lunged for their space blocking my way in the process and took a couple of swipes at it.

The stores entrance was guarded by police but they didn’t seem to be stopping people who had the boldness to just walk past them, I was in, and venturing beyond the ‘this is lunch’ section drags you through christmas everything before you can get to the store itself.

I don’t understand how a store like this can support itself – it is outside Cambridge, so I guess it covers the villages and a lot of commuters who come to Cambridge from the west, but there isn’t any local population to speak of, a few hundred in Bar Hill perhaps, but anyone in Cam or to the North will use the Milton store.

Still, that doesn’t stop the place being incredibly busy of a lunchtime – the queues meaning that its not a quick grab-lunch experience.

But the space of the place amazed me – I wonder what the future historians, those who discover the relics of our race, will think when they discover the ruins of buildings like this. What they will think of the people who came to worship at this great hall of commerce.

…giving up their freedom in the hope of being chosen…

Oh, and the lovely Cheryl brought me some aerosol cheese, which is quite a delicacy stateside, from what I hear. I’m still too full of honey and pepper chicken to have tried it yet, looks fabulous, though.


Categories: Memories.

/ 25 Comments

25 comments

  1. weyrqueen

    One day (when I find it again!) I must get you to read my essay on what the archaeologists of the future might think of St. Pancras station…. *g*

    Reply
    • neilh

      (just receiving comment notifications from LJ…)

      Ooo, that sounds interesting – that place has some great history already, I can’t imagine what would happen if we got divorced from that and started to speculate about it instead.

      Reply
  2. mr_flay

    Bill Bailey once referred to service stations as “cathedrals of despair”. I think he must have felt a vestige of what you were feeling this afternoon.

    My personal favourite commentary on humans and their devotion to the material dream is in Dawn Of The Dead (the Romero original), in which the protagonists observe with disdain the massed zombies as they lurch vacantly around a shopping mall…

    Reply
    • neilh

      observe with disdain the massed zombies as they lurch vacantly around a shopping mall…
      Yeah, its that time of year again, isn’t it?

      Reply
  3. evilmandykins

    that sounds just like america.
    *shiver*
    and aerosol cheese… not a delicacy. and as much as i love the stuff, it needs a warning lable or how salty it tastes!
    hehehe i keep managing to not see you. must correct this.

    Reply
    • neilh

      (just receiving comment notifications from LJ…)

      Delicacy…no, I know, I don’t think my humour translates well into ASCII.

      We’ve been a bit crap at meeting up, haven’t we? Should figure out a plan to do something about that…btw, you know Matti has now landed near Cambridge, too, and Chip is Hackney-ish, so maybe we can make a plan…

      Reply
  5. naranek

    Actually, I live bang next to the Milton Tesco, but tend to go to Bar Hill because it has a wider range of stock. I think it makes its money mostly out of people doing the weekly/monthly shop – going to Bar Hill means you don’t need to go to town for things like electricals and DIY, which is a bloody godsend given how difficult it is to get into central Cambridge these days.

    It’s not actually much further away from the city centre than, say, the Walsgrave Asda in Cov; it’s just that Cambridge has this stupid idea that no-one should ever go further than 8 miles from Great St Mary’s or Else … (Covgoths would no doubt point out that people outside Cam have a word for this, and it’s `quarantine’ … ).

    Reply
  6. ex_lark_asc

    I wonder what the future historians, those who discover the relics of our race, will think when they discover the ruins of buildings like this

    “Fig. 14: Large rectangular building to the south of the settlement, with an ordered internal structure. The remains of a large number of food items were found in this building, mostly contained in richly decorated and evidently high-status packaging. Studies of the packages and their contents show that an awe-inspiring quantity of effort and natural resources was involved in producing the packages and that the food inside them was preserved by heavy use of toxic chemicals, providing strong evidence that it was not intended for domestic consumption. We therefore believe this building may have had some form of ritual significance; a location in which to leave votive offerings to ensure a rich harvest, perhaps, or gain the favour of the gods or ancestors. It is also conjectured that the settlement to the north was a residential community for the acolytes of a religious order who were involved in maintaining the shrine.”

    Reply
  8. briggsy

    Living in Bar Hill (around 6000 residents) I think that anyone in a village within 5-10 miles (depending on direction) would be using this store, especially for large shops. Also don’t underestimate the number of people who commute to and from Cambridge via the A14 – this store is the obvious place to go. Quite possibly it is easier to get to from Cambridge via the Huntingdon Road than the Milton Tesco too.

    It’s full pretty much all of the time as well. So it is a good location for such a store.

    It is vast though.

    Reply
    • neilh

      Indeed there are a lot of people commuting that stretch of road – I seem to end up crawling slowly past their accidents on a near daily basis, avoiding having my own by inches (so far, at least).

      How did we ever survive before the stores got so big? I’m sure the population of this country hasn’t changed enough for the increased number of customers they have.

      Reply
  9. neilh

    Hmm, no I don’t think so, they’d’ve sounded a lot colder I think, since the singing was coming from the chilled cabinets. I didn’t investigate too closely, I’m not sure I’d want to eat musical sandwiches.

    Reply
  10. neilh

    With moving walkways to take you and your trolley full of merchandise from one floor to the next. One day I’ll go there when I have a bit more time and explore the entirety of the store.

    Reply
  11. neilh

    Extra/Ultra/Supra/Turbo its all the same, longer, sleeker, wider, faster.

    Seems all Icelands are quite sorry-looking these days, those that remain at least. I try to make a habit of shopping at ‘local’ shops, but its not so easy, my nearest non-chain food shop involves crossing the A10 and walking along the verge for a couple of hundred yards. Doable, but not particularly pleasant. I could drive, but that kinda defeats the object.

    Reply
  13. neilh

    Halfway between me and my office – where the A14 drops down from three lanes to two as you head west from the M11 junction.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.