Neil Hopcroft

A digital misfit

Caution: Red-lining

…was what their van should have said – they were laying some high-friction red asphalt on the road by one of the crossing points in Milton. I’m not sure that ‘Caution: white-lining’ really gives out that much better a message, though.

Today I crossed the river and walked to the next village east – Horningsea. On the way I passed a field of grain, you can see where the rabbits live because there are near perfect semicircles of trampled grain around each of their warrens.

Horningsea itself is a tedious village, theres no commerce there except for a garden centre and a couple of pubs. Still, at least it hasn’t suffered the kind of hideous expansion Milton has had, there are a few new-builds, but they’re mostly on the higher end of the market and fairly sympathetic to the area – I suspect its more on flood plain than Milton, but not by much, surely?

I stopped at the garden centre for a ‘comfort break’ on the way home – I thought I’d take a look at their offerings for improving the interior of my house. I was told the other day that my house looks rather more practical than romantic – to which my response was that I spend far more time being functional than being romantic, so that was a reasonable way for it to be[0]. And its got to be said that after looking at the things on offer to make it more romantic theres is a very real chance that nothing is going to change. I was also appalled at the price of rakes.

What do you think – what should the house of a single man look like? Should he spend a lot of time and effort turning it into some kind of chick magnet? Or would it be more sensible for it to be practical and functional? How does what peoples houses look like affect what you think of the people that live there? What should I do to improve the interior of my house?

[0] Yes, I know this is man-logic, but its what I know…


Categories: Memories.

/ 43 Comments

43 comments

  1. strange_complex

    Should he spend a lot of time and effort turning it into some kind of chick magnet?

    Really, this depends on whether you want to draw in chicks or not. It would be silly if anyone’s needs other than your own came first when determining what your house looks like. If the opinions of others (chicks or otherwise) are important to you, then it does make sense to take some account of them. But if they’re not, then you can safely ignore them.

    If there is any particular image you feel you want to project through your house, let us know what and I’m sure we’ll be glad to chip in any advice we might have.

    Reply
    • neilh

      I think the commentor was (is) playing Emma, trying to match me up with *somebody*, and thinks I’m not playing my part.

      From my viewpoint, nearly the worst thing that could happen would be to be trapped by a relationship, so theres not much incentive for me to go along with this scheme…that said, I guess there is a small chance there is actually somebody out there I could be happy with, so I don’t want to drive them away by having a serial-killer-living-room when they come to visit.

      Reply
      • strange_complex

        I guess you should just aim to emphasise those parts of your character or interests you feel most proud of, happy about and strongly about through your decor. Then, if someone who would be a good match for you sees it, they should be impressed! A general sense of tidiness or a least a degree of order tends to appeal to most people, as well.

        Reply
  2. sciamachy

    Like says, it depends if you want to draw chicks in or not. I’d spend some time working out where you see yourself in the next couple of years – do you want to be attached, free and single, married? Do you want to settle down and all that, or do you want to be able to go clubbing every couple of nights?

    Short answer though – personally I’d make my place confortable for me and reflective of my personality. If others like it, fine. If they don’t, well, fine also.

    Reply
    • neilh

      Single, of course, in which case it doesn’t really matter that much as long as the place is clean enough that my landlord doesn’t want to evict me.

      Reply
  3. kantti

    Rakes?

    Leaving aside the broader discussion, what I want to know is why you think leaving rakes strewn around your house will make it look more romantic. Or am I misunderstanding why you were pricing rakes? :)

    Reply
    • neilh

      Re: Rakes?

      :( don’t you think my house would be sexier with rakes everywhere?

      …no, thats just incidental, since I cut my grass the cuttings have been littering my lawn, so I was hoping to get a rake to sort that out…but rakes are more expensive than the strimmer.

      Reply
      • kantti

        Re: Rakes?

        “We can help our lawns thrive by leaving grass clippings on them after cutting. Grass clippings provide essential nutrients, add valuable organic material and reduce evaporation and the need to water. Grass clippings can supply 25 per cent of your lawn’s nitrogen needs.”

        What more excuse do you need?

        And, on the subject of rakes, I’m so sorry I checked:

        A beautiful old wooden farm rake finds new life as a coat rack.

        No handle? No problem. An old rake end fastened to the wall is a nifty place to hang your keys.

        … and there’s more where those came from.

        Reply
        • neilh

          Re: Rakes?

          We can help our lawns thrive by leaving grass clippings on them after cutting.
          Well, yes, I know that, but I live in suburbia now and its just not done here…I was going to rake them to the side of the garden, round the corner beyond the end of the garage where noone can see, but leave them to compost down there…

          Also I’m getting a bit selfconcious about my big green recycling bin, after the debacle with their not accepting biodegradable bags I’m now reliably filling the bin with about two hand-fulls of bio-rubbish every fortnight, while all my neighbours bins are brimming over with random pieces of trees.

          Reply
        • neilh

          Re: Rakes?

          If I start finding places like that contributing to my leisure I’m doing something wrong….and I think it would’ve made quite a long walk home if I had a rake, too.

          Reply
  4. ex_lark_asc

    Horningsea itself is a tedious village, theres no commerce there except for a garden centre and a couple of pubs

    .. among which the Crown and Punchbowl is outstandingly good for food. You should’ve stopped :)

    Reply
    • neilh

      I’ll bear that in mind next time I’m in the area – would it make a good destination for sunday lunch, or is it screaming-children-hell?

      Reply
      • ex_lark_asc

        No, no screaming children at all, it’s an absolutely marvellous little gastropub with a nice line in fish and local sausages and a superbly eccentric owner :) Worth booking on Sundays though, they get busy.

        Reply
  5. ex_lark_asc

    And secondly :-)

    What do you think – what should the house of a single man look like? Should he spend a lot of time and effort turning it into some kind of chick magnet? Or would it be more sensible for it to be practical and functional? How does what peoples houses look like affect what you think of the people that live there?

    A house that’s pin neat and beautifully designed and interior-decor-ed makes me think one of three things: (a) “this person is a total fake”, (b) “this person has spent an entire day cleaning because they’re terrified I might disapprove of a single speck of dust, christ, take a chill pill” or (c) “nobody really lives here, do they?”. Houses with someone’s Stuff in them look friendlier and more real; I like seeing overstuffed bookshelves, heaps of CDs by the stereo, abandoned musical instruments/projects/other stuff and random sentimental junk kicking about because it means whoever lives here has a life, and some interests beyond just preying on random girls. I call it ‘friendly clutter’ in my house :)

    Plus, any girl who likes you for who you are isn’t going to give a monkey’s about your house. Ferchrissakes, a fortnight ago I asked a guy out on the condition that he had a shower first because he smelled like he hadn’t in a month, and you saw how well *he* cleaned up on Friday! Being interested in someone is kind of more of a factor than how they dress or what their place looks like, and to be perfectly honest once you’re beyond your mid-twenties attracting people is much less about appearances anyway.

    What should I do to improve the interior of my house?

    Well, do you think it’s missing anything? Do you want a squashy armchair to read in, or a home music studio, or a darkroom? Alternatively, do you want to be able to get to the bathroom without tripping over heaps of junk and falling flat on your face? ;-) (Never having seen your house I’m kind of at a loss to comment!)

    Reply
    • susanofstohelit

      Re: And secondly :-)

      for me, a filthy house (where I’m afraid to go barefoot, for instance) is a complete turnoff. it doesn’t have to be fancy or anything, but reasonably clean is definitely a must.

      Reply
      • ex_lark_asc

        Re: And secondly :-)

        Well yeah, I was assuming basic cleanliness above, just not excessive neat-freak symptoms ;-)

        (.. in fact exactly that is one reason I’m very glad recently-cleaned-up guy went ‘Oh. Girlfriend. I guess I should sort my life out and get a place to myself then’ – apparently his shared house is a festering junkyard and has mice. I refuse to visit it..)

        Reply
    • neilh

      Re: And secondly :-)

      Well, I don’t spend much time downstairs – I’m normally in the office upstairs on the computer. Its really a place for the build farm to live…

      Reply
  6. susanofstohelit

    for me, the only things to really expect are (a) that it looks halfway decent and (b) is reasonably clean. as in, there aren’t piles of moldy dishes everywhere, the carpet looks like it’s been vacuumed in the last two months, and there aren’t piles of dirty clothes everywhere. hopefully the furniture is in decent shape and the house hasn’t been taken over by computers and video game systems too.

    Reply
  7. neilh

    Yeah, I’ve got more than two books…but they’ve mostly got titles like “Advanced VMS device driver techniques” or “Netware 3.12 database programming”, I’m not responsible enough to look after cats. Or plants.

    Reply
    • cally_tmk

      Cats generally easier to look after than plants – they tend to go in for lots of miaowing and pestering when they want food, attention etc. Plants don’t. They just die quietly :-(

      Reply
      • neilh

        Doesn’t do much good if I’m off travelling, though :(

        Which I guess corroborates the ‘commitment-phobic’ analysis someone made of my lifestyle.

        btw, if you are who I think you are you’ll probably be interested to know that , , , (Ozzy, you met yesterday), (not very active at the moment), (also not active) and are gracing these pages also. And, no doubt, some others you know.

        Reply
  8. neilh

    Re: Rakes?

    …well, my neighbour, bless her, mows my front lawn to prevent the house looking too grotty, and has built a conservatory so she can’t see my back garden any more.

    And I’m not sure why people don’t just have a compost heap, rather than filling up the green bin…I don’t because I only generate a handful of compostable stuff per week.

    Reply
    • ingaborg

      So you were going out with the wrong person. But relationships come in as many flavours as their are pairs of people: you don’t have to have a crappy one (and indeed, I agree that “no relationship” beats a crappy relationship hands down).

      Knowing what you want to avoid should help you to avoid it. And “being trapped” is not an unavoidable aspect of relationships. It certainly sounds like you shouldn’t go out with somebody who is ready to move in and start choosing baby clothes…but it’s a shame if you avoid all relationships because you’re expecting a whipping. Mind you I don’t know your circumstances, how recent it was, how burned you still feel etc. I’m not asking you to tell me! Just acknowledging that there may be valid reasons for the way you feel.

      Reply
      • neilh

        I hear a lot of things from people already in relationships about how they can’t do something because its too complicated to coordinate with their other half – for instance my working in Japan for a year would have been significantly more difficult in a relationship, *any* relationship. Now I know that to some extent they can’t do it because they don’t want to do it and that is just an excuse, but still I’ve gotten used to the idea of making my own decisions about what I do and not having to worry about consequences for others. I decide I want to go visit New York next month I don’t have to explain that to anyone, or compromise on what I do when I get there. etc.

        And it should probably be long enough that its not the being burned last time that is causing most of the problems…

        Reply
        • ingaborg

          Yeah, I see what you mean. I DO know people who’ve gone abroad for a year while in a committed relationship, and it’s worked out fine, but it required a lot of trust and effort.

          Maybe you’re perfectly happy as you are and don’t need to be nagged by wannabe Emmas :) Be happy, single dude. Enjoy your house full of tech. Have a great trip to NY. Resist the social pressure.

          (BTW, I think my house is more practical than romantic, but I do consider space for people to sit and play board games as being a practical requirement)

          Reply
          • neilh

            Oh, yes, it can be done. But it would require much organisation…

            I would need someone who understood that when I first mentioned something I was just thinking out loud, not that it was a done deal – I used to share a flat with (just flatmates, nothing more) someone whose response to any such ponderings was “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”…when actually the time I was mentioning it *was* the earliest.

            Also, perfectly happy would perhaps be rather overstating my level of joy, quiescent would probably be a better description, not unhappy.

            And, yes, boardgaming space is a vital part of any house I live in, to the point where an improvised gaming table was set up here before I had any chairs, we all just sat on computers (theres a good reason to buy decent cases…).

  10. neilh

    Re: Rakes?

    These were sticks about six foot long with a fan of prongs sticking out from the end, and came with pricetags somewhere between 25 and 50 pounds, depending on whether you wanted a detachable head or not, etc. I didn’t read the label too carefully but there were certainly no large warning signs about promiscuity, maybe thats a special mode that you can only turn on if you’ve got the right driver?

    Reply
  11. neilh

    And my landlord wouldn’t let me have one anyway – I think a plant would be allowed. But I’m still not convinced I’m a useful father for a plant.

    Reply
  13. neilh

    Of course I’m out there, of course I’m spending time with people who might be the person I’m looking for….just that I fairly soon realise they *aren’t* the person I’m looking for, if you click with someone it shouldn’t be a chore to keep in touch, should it? I’m trying to mend my character, so its a bit more likeable and easy going, not so scared, but its not an easy job, and getting caught in these whinge-loops doesn’t help.

    Reply

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