Neil Hopcroft

A digital misfit

And theres some dodgy goffs taking over the world….gotta get me a copy of a non-specific ghost story…whens the album available lads?

In a completely unrelated update on my washing machine palava, I went to the retail park tonight and spoke to two washing machine sales people who were both horrified that I wanted a simple machine –

SP: “thats not how it works, they all have features”
NH: “but I don’t want features, I just want a big green button that says ‘go’, and by my calculations even that is interface overkill”
SP: “how about this one? its got a 14000rpm adjustable spin”
NH: “and no index to tell me which of the 17 settings I need”
SP: “but this one is really efficient”
NH: “doesn’t that just mean your clothes come out still dirty? And you have to put them through again”
SP: “this one has only got four buttons and 15 choices of program”
NH: “oh, thats a nice simple one – but I don’t want to pay for the three buttons I’m never going to use”
SP: “well, you could have that one but its really shoddily made”
NH: “I don’t mind paying for quality, but I want quality and simple”
SP: “But if you pay more you get features, thats the way it works”
NH: “We’ve done this bit already, the features I want are ‘simple’ and ‘well made’, you’re telling me I can’t have both”
SP: “erm”
NH: “I’ll have the simple one, deliver it Monday, heres my credit card”
NH: “And I’ll throw it away in a year so don’t bother with the extended anything”


Categories: Memories.

/ 19 Comments

19 comments

  2. venta

    According to a flyer I picked up in Whitby, the album is released on boxing day.

    When I reckon the shops will be shut, so no idea why anyone thought that was a wise move ;)

    Reply
  3. twicezero

    i wanna dyson washing machine, but they are too darn expencive for my simple needs.. I’d have to have a family of 6 before i considered one, and at that point i wouldn’t ever be able to afford one. On that note, how does anyone afford kids?

    Reply
  7. johnfkent

    Yes it is – I’d like to say it was alien abduction and they’ve just got around to plonking me back down to earth, but no… I was chucked out for doing no work and did a runner…

    Reply
  8. johnfkent

    Mac – fast cars, loose women? Sounds about right, he didn’t turn out to be a rock-god, then? And I thought Obz would have stayed in touch, you two were always hanging around together.

    As for me, after I returned to Sunderland, I spent a year on the dole before I got a job with the DSS doing twilight shift microfilm retrieval (exciting!), then moved on to the NHS issuing certificates to help with the cost of prescriptions/dental treatment etc. both jobs through at Newcastle. I’ve been living in Gateshead now, for just over six years, and started work for Gateshead Council adminsitering Housing and Council Tax Benefit a year gone next Wednesday.

    Suffice to say, my plans for world-domination have been put on hold.

    And your good self, what have you been up to these past dozen years?

    Reply
  9. johnfkent

    have shovel – will garden

    part of the problem of a brand new house is you get a garden – and usually it’s all soil. so after 4 years of it being “set-aside” and the government not giving you a grant for letting the wildlife flourish, your father comes along and insists that it’s his personal allotment and with sufficient guilt, you end up growing your own vegetables. I have enough potatoes to feed a small country and a reusable energy source derived from the wind created by onions. Onion-power (all I need now is to build a wind-turbine).

    Oh, and belated congatulations on your marital bliss. Any nippers yet (apart from the rats)?

    Reply
  10. johnfkent

    Much to the chagrin of my parents, I’m still single. Even though I work in an office predominantly filled with women, most of them are already attached and the rest… well, they’re just plain evil!

    And no kids either (not that I know of).

    Reply
  11. neilh

    obz’ll still be there, he’s unlikely to change….

    Was that a banana? we were never quite sure…though I remember there was a time when things went off quicker in the fridge than outside it.

    Reply
  13. neilh

    “The thing we think was a banana but we’re not really sure” – I remember it well, or its smell at least….my escape was well timed, before the marshmallow man blew the boiler off the wall…for the second time.

    Reply
  14. neilh

    No comment – my perceptions of hassle were somewhat cemented by Fionas sectioning on the doorstep of Sprowston Road. Oh happy days.

    Reply
  15. neilh

    Sectioning was funny (in a kind-of not really enjoying it at the time sort of way). Still, shes gone now, so its all good.

    Not surprised the place got condemned…just surprised it wasn’t while I was there…

    Reply
  16. neilh

    Just remember the argument with Paul Goulder:

    NH: our boiler is making a nasty banging sound
    PG: Its supposed to do that, its the gas lighting
    NH: Its not supposed to sounds like that, can you get someone to look at it
    NH turns on water to demonstrate
    *BANG*
    PG: See, its working fine, your just making it up

    Three days later the boiler was in pieces on the floor having blown itself off the wall.

    Reply
  17. neilh

    It certainly wasn’t just us – look at anywhere Ken lived – but I suspect we can probably outdo most horror stories with Sprowston Road alone.

    Reply

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