Neil Hopcroft

A digital misfit

Up past the chemical works, where the sky turn green at night

Today, having not even ventured outside yesterday, I went for a walk around the park in Tonbridge. All the way around were places I recognised from my youth but they all looked small, I remember them being huge woods, massive railway bridges, fields for miles and miles. It must be the same as Mars bars and BigMacs, a world where everything was bigger or maybe where I was smaller. Of course, all the vaguely dangerous things are fenced off now too, making it difficult to get to the places holding the real memories. But thats ok, there was enough for me to go along with as it was.

Somewhere along the way I took a wrong turn and ended up by the old powder works, now part of the Glaxo Smithkline empire, making it, I suppose, a new powder works. They’re a little touchy up there, for some reason, maybe they don’t get many ramblers during the week, but they sent a couple of chemists out to make sure I wasn’t up to no good[0]. Or maybe fag breaks are so boring there that they’ll just wander around the the perimeter aimlessly for ten minutes.

On the way back I studiously followed the ‘PublicFootpath’ signs toward the town, until the first drive-way/footpath split which wasn’t particularly well labelled. I guess I got the wrong way since nothing after that point looked remotely like a footpath, but thats OK, I just followed the tyre tracks for a while until it became clear they weren’t going anywhere, then headed into the woods, along by the river and popped out onto the footpath two miles back the way I’d come.

[0] Double negative intended. Why is English the only language in which negating something again makes it a positive? Who decided that?


8 comments

  1. That Iain Sinclair has a lot to answer for, when autophiles and computer-jockeys decide that going for an adventure in the woods is a good thing to do.
    Don’t you know there are child-murderers, alien black cats, used disease-ridden heroin needles and rabid immigrant single-mothers hiding in the wilds? Haven’t you read the newspapers? We should all stay safe in our boxes. You have been warned.

    • Isn`t it technically illegal to go somewhere without a valid economic purpose for the journey?

      I can`t remember where I got that from, now.

      Anyway, how are you, Mr Satori, sir?

          • There wasn’t really anywhere to spend money, there was a grumpy chemist at the powder factory but he didn’t look like money would cheer him up, and he probably wouldn’t have sold whatever evil they make to someone like me anyways.

      • An Advert in return!

        Hi Chip,
        I’m doing OK at the moment. A car crashed into the back of ours three weeks ago, I got a promotion at work and I’m currently suffering with allergic conjunctivitis (I’m not sure which one of these is the most stressful of occurrences). Life however moves ahead at it’s own pace and if a movie was made of my life it would probably be a PG and contain scenes of ‘occasional mild peril’ (one of my current favourite phrases that I found on the back of a DVD box).
        However, now that I have your undivided attention, can I ask what you’re up to, at the end of August. I’m bullying and harassing everyone I know to come to Camden Underworld on Sunday 29th August to see Rome Burns and Andi Sexgang play, and if you’re in the country I’d be delighted if you could attend (I have fifty cheaper than advertised tickets to sell).
        If you’re interested get in touch via email or look at the Rome Burns site as I think Nev’s got paypal up-and-running now.
        Neil was trying to make it back for that weekend (although that was Neil-plan D and he was on plan H last I heard!)

        • Re: An Advert in return!

          Ah, so that´s what you´re doing. At least it´s a valid economic purpose! ;-)

          I´d love to come, but I´m afraid I will probably be on some sun-kissed beach in the North of Brasil at that time. Either that or freezing various parts of my anatomy off in the South. All in the name of tourism and boosting the Brasillian economy, of course. I wouldn´t dream of not spending any money, or anything. Ahem.

          One day. One day, I *shall* see Rome Burn, er, Burns!

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