Neil Hopcroft

A digital misfit

Welcome to Ely…we have mullets

The mission for the last couple of days has been to find somewhere to live while I’m working in Milton, just outside Cambridge.

Yesterday I headed up to have a drive around the area and get some idea of good and bad places to be. How convenient they all are, how well they link up, etc.

Ely was the first port of call, where I went to the library to ask where I could find a bookshop (is this something they get asked often, I wonder?), and they gave me a bumper ‘Welcome to Ely’ pack containing enough paper to give someone quite a decent whack around the head….not been brave enough to try to tackle exploring that pack yet, I’m a little afraid of what I’ll find inside.

After a little difficulty finding the map section in the local WHSmith I retired to a coffee shop to contemplate the prospect of moving to the kind of area that felt it needed to welcome you so…and found out what the purpose of the weighty package was, it must be to fight off the mullets, there are some exquisite examples in the town. Not the audacious highlight mullets of Shinjuku, these are more wholesome farming mullets, maybe as exotic as Hasselhofs germanic thatch, but nothing more gregarious.

Pretending to be a stray hiker sprawling an OS map of the area across my table I hurriedly down my coffee and bacon roll before making my escape. Over the road Hedgehog records looks like it should have been one of those great little record shops you get in small towns – but it was just empty shelves and closed sign. Sad. Finally I hit the estate agents and arrange a few viewings. Braindump follows.

The first is in Littleport, yesterday afternoon. A converted school. Cheap rent. Long drive (to the office, not places to park cars, although it does have a garage). Nice village location. Horrible village. Impressive living room and large kitchen/games room. Available now.

The second is in Milton, this morning. Three storey town house. Expensive rent. Close to office – walkable. Nice enough estate. Slightly dodgy road next door (something wrong, not sure what). Too big. Nice space inside. Available early Oct.

The next is another place in Milton, a flat. Bad bad bad bad bad. Convenient, cheap. Bad. Owners live in ‘hog heaven’.

The fourth place is in Cottenham, a cottage down a strange alleyway (not bad alleyway) in nice village. Irritating journey to office, not bad journey but annoying. Nice house, quirky, character, but pleasantly so. Area a problem – too many nice people who probably wouldn’t deal with me well. Available now.

The final place phoned up and cancelled because the landlord had absconded to France with the keys. Sounded suboptimal when the directions were, “keep driving until you get to the asbestos shed, then its behind them”.

Basically I want the space of the townhouse, with the style of the cottage for the rent of the school, with the convenience of the flat. But thats not going to happen.

During this time, of course, my exhaust decide to fall off, I thought it was blowing a little at the begining of the trip, but by the end it was making a godawful racket….still, good job they cancelled the last place since I wouldn’t have been able to pick up the car early enough to get there.

We went to the antique market in Huntingdon while the car was being fixed, a great little place, a warehouse full of quirky little stalls, nicely laid out with all kinds of furniture, niknaks and things. Nearly everything on sale was awful but the place as a whole was quite pleasing (though I was tempted by the Spike Milligan record…not sure where my record player is now…).

Now, back in Kent, gotta sort some accomodation in Cambridge-ish for next week, anyone got a spare room, (hopefully) just for a little while?


19 comments

  1. Anonymous

    Mullet attacks!!

    The Mullets are following you. Be afraid – be very afraid. More imporantly, protect your own lucious locks from any local barber that even looks sideways at you…

    T

  2. Come to Ely.
    Be one of us.

    and yes, Hedgehog records was an amazing independent record shop. It shut earlier in the year as the owner was having a mid-life crisis and wanted to bugger off to the far east on a road trip. Good for him, but now i can’t buy decent music in Ely. Have you ever tried to explain to a spotty Saturday kid in Woolworths that you want to order a CD?
    Still at least there’s Amazon…

    • Anonymous

      Get your hair cut

      Sides and Back, then you could have a mullet too, then you can fit in and nto worry about bad neighbourhoods ;)

      Azabu Juban Masif

      • Re: Get your hair cut

        I’ve done the mullet before, and anyway – who said i wanted to fit in?
        I’d rather not become a tracksuit-wearing, baseball-capped, Astra driving wanker if it’s all the same to you.

        • Re: Get your hair cut

          Nah, I think you’d suit a white Astravan, cruiselights, blue LEDs in the bonnet, ‘No Feet’ sticker across all available glass, big nasty grin on your face…

      • Re: Get your hair cut

        You reckon a mullet would suit me? I’ve been trying to think of something mad to do with it before cutting it all off, but I don’t think I could compete with Elys local specimens, unless, of course, I imported the bouffant Tokyo-style highlight mullet. But that’d be difficult to explain to the local hairdresser, I’m sure.

          • Re: Get your hair cut

            I don’t know – am I thinning? Probably. But no, its because I’ve had enough and need a change, inevitably that change is a cut of some sort – I thought probably a mohawk before getting back to short hair, maybe after this job finishes.

          • Re: Get your hair cut

            Hmmm – mohawks need maintenance, mainly along the lines of putting gel on them each day to spike them up. Not wishing to cast aspersions, etc., but I don’t really think of you as a guy who wants to spend large amounts of time styling his hair!

          • Re: Get your hair cut

            Yeah, I’m not really a high maintanance kinda guy, but I’ve always wanted a hawk and if I can take a break of some sort then it’d be great to do something like that – besides it doesn’t need to be full hawk all the time.

  3. You could sell the town-house to yourself on the grounds that its proximity to the office will save you lots of money in petrol, hence balancing out the expense of the extra rent. Anyway, what’s so particularly convenient about the flat? It can’t be closer to the office than the house, can it?

    • House is around five minutes walk, the flat is two minutes….not sure it’ll save 200 pounds a month in petrol…(30 miles each way = 2 gallon per day = a tank per week = 50pound per week = 200 per month)…a 30 mile radius, at that kind of distance the prices drop by another 200. (850 house, no driving, 650 cottage, 10 miles each way, 450 school, 30 miles each way)

      • OK, so the petrol saving won’t quite balance out the difference in the rent, although it does go some way towards it.

        In that case, what’s so bad about the flat? Do you just not like living in flats generally? And could it be time to reassess that for the sake of saving money?

        • The neighbourhood of the flat is awful, all Novas with spoilers and white vans, people who don’t get on with me. The flat itself would be fine if it were in the location of the house. Theres no clear cut winner at the moment, which is the problem. Some balance between those would be the answer, but I’m not sure I can find that.

        • If you could get rid of the car, it would easily do the saving, as there is tax, insurance and upkeep….but then you are limited in getting the hell out of there front !

  4. Shame our house is still so heavily under construction, otherwise we’d have been able to help….alas one bedroom is full of stacker boxes (and i mean *FULL*), one doesn’t have part of a floor or a door, the third is curently part of the landing as its missing a wall and the fourth is the only nice room in the house and is our room – We needed one room serviceable that we could shut the door and pretend that the house was ok really.

    Even the living room isn’t really suitable at the moment due to the rest of the builing works….

    BTW not sure i agree that Lovejoys is anything special, except posibly a special needs case….Ely on the other hand has prety things like the cathederal with a nice but small stained glass museum.

    The record shop, is that the one down the back street, near the council offices, if so, it wasn’t that much cop the couple of times i went in….whats better is the market on a saturday, and nicely the council car park is public and free on a weekend !

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