Neil Hopcroft

A digital misfit

Blisters on my fingers from typing lies again

Today I’m officially freaked out. I received a communication from an ex of mine after my posting about the Army gig last night. The reason I’m freaked out is that we’ve not really communicated for nearly 8 years and we didn’t exactly part on good terms at the time. However, I think I’ve changed a little in those years, and I’m prepared to believe she has too. So, should I be worried that shes getting back in touch? Or happy? Or do I just ignore her and hope she’ll go away?


Categories: Memories.

/ 23 Comments

23 comments

  1. hirez

    I have no idea.

    On one hand, there are good reasons why exes are exes.

    On the other, people can change a lot in that time.

    On the third, I’m reasonably sure that there are people I’ve not seen for [mumble] years who can probably still press my old buttons and have me seething within seconds.

    Reply
  3. jarkman

    I’d vote for cautiously happy, and see what comes of it.

    I feel like I should put one of those mortgage-advert disclaimers in here, though…

    Reply
    • neilh

      I already know the answer to that – no. I’m not actually interested in any kind of relationship at the moment. And doubly not interested in trying to restart something it took me nine months to pluck up the courage to finish.

      Reply
      • pjc50

        Ouch. This is definitely a “proceed with caution”; I know I’d like to discover that the ex who stopped speaking to me and left the country has forgiven me, but it’s difficult to get to that point ..

        Reply
    • neilh

      I’m prepared to believe this is just a ‘joined lj and looked to see who was about’ style ‘happy’ coincidence….I never meant for it to turn quite so sour, but there was rather a lack of tact from various parties which hurt a bit more than it should have.

      Reply
      • digitaljunky

        Occams Razor, Dood. Go with it. You guys shared something once. You’re well aware that you’re not going back there (and have no wish to, judging by your response to another comment), but it doesn’t mean that you can’t be amicable. Eight years is a long time and as you said, people change – sometimes for the better. You might find that this is the case. But you won’t know if you don’t give them a chance. And face it, it’s a freebie. No effort is really required on your part. Let them do the running, at least for now. If they’re genuine, you’ll know soon enough and you can pick up the pace when you’re happy to.

        And if they start to cause issues, stick sand and toothpaste in thier bed >:)

        Reply
  7. sushidog

    I’ve been in a similar situation,. although with less water under the bridge when my ex decided to get back in touch. First thing to say is there is no “should” to the way you feel; you feel how you feel, and that’s OK. As to how you should react, well, that kind of depends on how you feel. Would you like to be in touch with her? Do you think there’s any basis for a friendship of some sort? Or does the pit of your stomach sink at the thought of seeing her again?

    In my situation, I responded civilly but cautiously, and we ended up exchanging nice emails for a while, although he seems to have fallen off the face of the earth again now.

    Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out! :-)

    Reply
    • neilh

      I’m not sure we ever really had much in common, except perhaps some of the music…and the signs suggest shes still as grumpy and selfcentred as she ever was. But equally I don’t want to push away an attempt at getting in touch, ‘cos then I’ll always be evil in her eyes, at least if I’m civil but a bit cold then it’ll be her choice to stop talking.

      Reply
    • scifilittlemy

      Also in a similar position.

      After the initial freakiness, it can be quite a humbling experience as a long time has since passed. You can put everything back in perspective. As with you’ll probably exchange a few email, realise how far you’ve moved on and never hear from her again.

      Alternatively run! ;)

      Reply
    • grim_tim

      They’ve SPLIT? Lordy, I’m out of the loop. (Again with the assumption I know who it is).

      Whatever. ‘Course, it could just be a midlife crisis “what’s my ex doing now?” thang.

      Reply
  9. stompyboots

    My theory – but I’m wet behind the ears, so feel free to ignore it – is that if you liked someone once, there’ll still be something, no matter how small, to like about them in the future.

    I’m slowly getting back in touch with friends from 7/8 years ago, which is scary enough, so it must be harder for you. I’m exchanging occasional emails, catching up on news, and not really giving much of myself away, which seems safe.

    I suggest you do the same; after all, she chose to get back in touch, whereas hundreds of others (albeit with less baggage) have chosen not to. Take it as an auspice (is that a word?), not an omen.

    Reply

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